Nick & Suzy - Case Study
Both attractive, intelligent, successful individuals in their late 30’s Nick & Suzy both had a desire to have fun and variety in their lives. The only thing they thought they differed on was how quickly they would have babies! They both had a long history of disappointing and traumatic relationships and so desperately wanted this one to work.
They came to us a very disgruntled Nick, and a very upset Suzy, both explaining all the things they didn’t like about each other’s behaviour. The differences between their protestations were remarkable.
He was bitterly complaining about her demanding behaviour. She wanted to know when they would be living together, why they were not having as much loving sex as in the beginning, how they were going to combine their finances to buy a home and when were they going to talk about the baby thing, her biological clock was ticking! He was aghast, when did he ever promise any of that? He thought she just wanted to have fun!
Very quickly they had got themselves into a stalemate situation
During their education program of course they were asked the same probing questions, and they willingly took the time to understand how they had got into this position, and eventually they talked about what they could choose to do now…
Nick went from “for God’s sake woman I’m doing the best I can!” to “I get that I need to understand her needs if this is going to work”.
Suzy went from “maybe I did use my ‘sexuality’ to get him interested” to a place of commitment to ask him for what she wants in a non demanding way, so that he could find his way to give that to her, without violating his own values.
Dr. Paul A. Stokes
BA (Mod) MA PhD (Lecturer in the Department of Sociology at the National University of Ireland, Dublin)
Intrigued by what I had heard about the work of Tony & Nicki Vee, I found myself one Saturday at one of their lectures in Dublin on the subject of ‘Intimate Relationships’. With all my understanding of the ‘sciences of life’ even I have found this to be an area of my own personal life that had and was still causing me considerable problems.
As their lecture unfolded throughout the day, Tony & Nicki’s models started to resonate and somewhat captured my imagination and I started to make sense of where I had gone wrong in my relationship with my wife.
At one point I was selected from the audience to do an exercise. This proved to be a profound awakening for myself as I looked directly at the way I had and still did view my relationship with my wife, seeing her as the aggressor and myself a victim of her behaviour. As the exercise continued I became acutely aware of how my own behaviours, which seeming had stemmed from my childhood challenges were still today unconsciously effecting the way I operated and in particular in my intimate relationship with my wife. I also was left in no doubt that as opposed to being the victim, I had in fact created the eventually breakdown of our marriage through my own thoughts and emotional patterns which lead me to behave in a certain fashion.
I remember well being invited to stay on for an additional 24 hour session with Tony & Nicki and at the time inquiring about their academic qualifications that authorised them to speak so knowledgably about this subject. None, came back the answer yet, I found myself drawn to spend more time with them. The next 24 hours was completely life changing and I remember well saying how Tony & Nicki somehow managed to reframe my entire life in that amazing 24 hour time frame, it was a huge breakthrough.
These were special days indeed I spent with Tony & Nicki - Thank you for giving so much of yourselves, it was and remains an inspiration.
I was indeed privileged to have spent personal time with Tony & Nicki and I cannot recommend highly enough their course the “Couples Intimate Relationship Education Program’. This program utilises the same probing yet profound strategies used on myself, as a means for you to learn and understand what not only leads us to make such a hash of this so important area of life, it will enlighten you to see it all differently so that you can finally have the opportunity to live in a happy and healthy relationship that lasts.