Simon & Catherine - Diamond Program - Resolved

Catherine called us to ask if we’d ever helped a couple to stay together who’d not had intimacy for years. 

 

We said, yes we have, and we asked “what do you need right now?”

 

Catherine replied, “I need you to get him to stop trying to have sex with me because I’m not interested!”

 

Thankfully, Simon was willing to join Catherine on one of our initial 1st Sessions. 

 

Understandably he was at first resistant to talking about things and he clearly wasn’t loving hearing Catherine share their most private, intimate conversations. We encouraged both of them to be honest about their thoughts and feelings, and reassured them it is not necessary to tell us all the details. We confirmed that everything discussed is kept completely private and confidential. 

 

Simon & Catherine saw this now as an emergency. They decided that unless this was resolved they would definitely break up; and they believed that would be very costly to the family both emotionally and financially. And, as there were complex reasons for their lack of intimacy, they decided they wanted as much unlimited private time with us individually and together, so they chose to join our Diamond Program. 

 

As the country was in lockdown at the time, we held all of Simon & Catherine’s private ‘face 2 face’ 1/2 and full day sessions on Zoom. 

 

They both said they found the first few sessions really tough. 

 

Simon said he felt trapped in the relationship as his needs, both in practical terms and intimately, were so different from hers. He wanted to be spontaneous about everything, she wanted everything scheduled and planned. 

 

Catherine couldn’t understand how they could be arguing to the point of saying things that couldn’t be taken back and forgotten, and he would still come towards her for sex. She was really worried that the abuse she’d had as a child was causing her to be frigid. 

 

We were not surprised that things improved really quickly because they were both at a 10/10 of commitment to saving this relationship. They were both completely open to diving in and getting the education based on our very simple ‘Vee Relationship Strategy’. 

 

The first improvement came from the very first Training & Private Session where Simon & Catherine learnt about ‘The Road to Fear verses The Road to Love. Cheesy as that may sound it has caused men and women to have some of their most profound realisations since Tony created it back in 2002.   

 

They both recognised they were living on the Road to Fear meaning living in doubt, worry, anxiety, frustration, anger and depression. As they both understood that this had been a habit since childhood, throughout their earlier relationships, and now in this one, they began to stop the constant blame of each other. 

 

Secondly they learnt about what we call the Blue & the Pink. This is our philosophy about the differences between men & women’s needs. 

 

Simon was shocked to see that he was doing exactly what his Dad had done with his mother and become Catherine’s supporter and carer. It started to make sense to him that this practical solution for their business, where Catherine was in charge and he was the admin person, was putting a strain on the masculine/ feminine balance in their relationship and it was no wonder that she wasn’t attracted to him. 

 

He could see that he wasn’t meeting her needs at all, and that he was always looking for sex to relieve his own stress. 

 

It all just fell into place for Catherine too when she understood the impact of her living as an adult woman in the same kind of fear that she had understandably felt as a child when she had experienced sexual abuse. She could see how she got to feel safe by running the business, and the home, and their lives to her own set of rules and schedules. 

 

She could see that she wasn’t meeting any of his needs either, and that her need to control was causing her to be tired, ill and intimately unavailable. 

 

As soon as these realisations were out in the open, whilst both Simon & Catherine realised there was a long way to go to resolve and heal the past, their commitment was solidified. 

 

A couple of years on Simon & Catherine have created wonderful ways to organise their business and their lives so that both their needs are honoured and fulfilled. And past issues, whilst mostly healed, occasionally rear their ugly heads, but now the couple know exactly what to do to get back into intimate connection quickly.