In our years of assisting couples in resolving their relationship issues, we have always been a little, what you might call, 'Maverick.'

Why?

...because so many couples that have come our way have tried the more traditional route of Marriage Guidance & Couples Counselling and had zero success.

And they all say the same thing; they come out feeling worse because there is no resolution, no plan and no support until the next session.

And there's worse news, talking about the problem will never solve the problem!

Years ago, a lady ran up to me at a conference I was attending as a delegate and said, "are you, Tony Vee"?

I said 'yes'.

She said, "you help people with relationships, don't you"?

I said 'yes'!

She then said, "I wonder if you can help me? I have a problem with my husband".

I said yes, and it will have to be quick because I have to leave in five minutes as I have a plane to catch. What's the problem?

She shared how her husband was going to the pub every night, and she did not like it and wanted to know how could she stop him.

I remember clearly saying to her that this would be the fastest coaching session ever, as I had only one question?

She looked at me, awaiting the question, which was:

Have you ever told him you don't like him going to the pub?

She said, "yes, I tell him all the time".

I said, here's my email address; I want you to do two things and let me know in a few weeks how it goes, agreed?

She said "yes" excitedly, wanting to know what I would say!

I then did a Yung or Freud on her (I can never remember which one) she was not expecting.

I said, quite loudly and straight at her, "STOP F****** TELLING HIM!

She was a tad shocked, but then that's the idea.

I share this only because people who have counselling tend to tell the counsellor the same thing they have repeatedly been saying to their partner over and over.

The madness of this thinking is that if you tell someone else in front of your partner, what they are doing that you don't like, somehow they'll stop doing it.

It's almost like, you want the counsellor to agree with you and tell your partner to stop doing what you don't like because they are not listening to you.

Look, let me be honest, as I write this, that's such a load of BS, and you have to pay for that crap too.

Honestly, I've experienced this myself with my first wife, and when we got outside and back into the car, we just argued about what the other one had said to the counsellor, so we only went once.

So here's why this does not work for so many couples, and it's so obvious once you know it.

What tend to talk about at a counselling session is at the level of the problem!

And:

...the solution to any problem is at a different level.

Another way of saying this is - 'The presenting problem is never the real problem'.

And to solve any problem, you have to get underneath what's going on; we call it 'getting to the core of the issue'.

So why do I say we are 'Maverick'?

It's simple, we all have our individual issues when it comes to intimate relationships, BUT - The Problem is the same for everyone!

Here's the thing, what you think is the problem is NOT the problem at all; that's why people either quit counselling after one or two sessions or get stuck doing it for years, never resolving things fully, if at all.

So back to the lady, who looked a little stunned, I repeated what I had said but with a softer tone this time, 'Yes, just stop telling him you don't like him going to the pub! Can you do that'?

She said "Yes".

Then the second thing I want you to do is to share with him when he comes home how much you love it when he comes home; say it so he gets that you really mean it; actually, be happy when he comes home!

Can you do that?

She said "Yes".

Please do this for a month and let me know how it goes; she agreed, and off I went to catch the plane.

Six weeks later, I got an email sharing; it was like a miracle had happened, he was hardly going to the pub, and they were doing much better. Thank you so much.

So that's the Maverick approach.

She came over to me and wanted me to tell her how to stop him from doing something she did not like.

She had a story, which put her in the victim's place; yes, he was doing something to her; so he's the baddie in her eyes!

The Maverick approach is to get her to see what she is doing that makes him go to the pub instead of wanting to be with her!

Honestly, it's profound!

And no amount of talking about him going to the pub and how she does not like it to a counsellor will stop him from going to the pub.

And if he's at the counsellor there is any suggestion of him maybe not going to the pub, he will most likely resist, because now someone else is telling him what to do.

Plus, he feels like he's got the police on his back now; and will likely feel the whole focus of this counselling is about him going to the pub. I can't tell you how unlikely this is to work for him because he's now confirmed as the baddie.

AND the very last thing it will do is the very thing she want's him to want to do, and that is to spend more time with her.

I call it a lose-lose situation.

So sure, you can go and try counselling and see how it goes, but be warned, it's like going to a peace negotiation, where one or both of you are going to be faced with compromising when neither side wants to!

OR - Top Gun it and Go Maverick!

The very first thing that will happen is that you will see loud and clear the real problem.

And as soon as you see this, you will start to work as a team to solve this one problem together.

AND if you stay committed, we always say, expect magic and miracles to happen, even when it looks like things are impossible to resolve.

Why not grab one of our Complimentary Relationship Books or Products in the Tony & Nicki Relationship Store on our Website, here's the link - Tony & Nicki's Relationship Book & Product Store

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PS - The fastest way to get help with your Intimate Relationship is to book a session, go to Tony & Nicki's Home Page and watch the short video on how it all works - www.tonyandnickivee.com 

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