ARTICLE - How Are Human/Human & Human/Dog relationships - Same/Same?
Yesterday I experienced a guy with his seemingly out-of-control dog.
The guy, a neighbour, has a new two-year-old rescue dog, and the dog keeps barking, so what does he do?
He tells it to 'stop barking'!
How well did that work?
It didn't, so the dog kept barking.
So then, what did he do? He told it to 'stop barking' in a louder and more aggressive tone.
How well did that work? Sadly, that was yesterday, and the dog is still barking; I can hear it while I'm writing.
So what's going on here, and what should he do?
1. Take the dog back and get a different dog.
2. Get much more assertive with the dog until he gets it under control.
3. Take the dog for some training.
The training route makes the most sense, but here's what's going to happen if he takes it to a dog trainer; he's going to find out that it's not the dog that needs training; it's him!
Why, because he's the problem, not the dog!
So if that's true, what's he doing wrong?
The simple truth is he's talking 'human' to a dog, but dogs don't understand 'human'.
Why, because they're 'dogs'.
Honestly, it's that simple!
A great dog trainer will teach him how to understand a dog's world and that the dog feels frightened and unsafe, which is why he's barking.
Then the trainer will teach him some simple dog language, and in no time at all, the dog will feel safe around him, and he and his dog will get along fine.
If he does nothing, his relationship with his dog will not improve, and he and the dog will most likely have a complex relationship.
The dog will likely be unpredictable around people and other dogs, and neither human nor dog will be truly happy with each other.
So how is this the same as a human-to-human relationship that's not working?
Well, it's so similar, it's ridiculous:
Firstly, when a couple is not getting on, one of the first things to happen is they argue.
So what is arguing?
In effect, it's the same as the dog barking!
You see the other person in some way 'out of control', doing something you don't like.
So the first thing you are likely to do is to tell them to stop doing it!
Have you noticed how well that works?
Do they stop? Well, maybe, but mostly not!
So what do you do? You tell them to stop using a more assertive tone!
And when you do that, what do they do?
Well, in an argument, they metaphorically 'BARK' back at you in a similar tone, and down the unhappy relationship rabbit hole, you go.
So what should you do when your partner is doing things you don't like?
1. Get a new partner.
2. Get much more assertive until you get them under control.
3. Take them for some training.
Once again, the training route makes the most sense, and you are likely to find out that, sadly, you are the problem because you don't understand their world and don't know their language.
And it makes no difference if you are a man or woman; men need to learn 'woman language' and about a woman's world, and women need to learn 'man language' and about a man's world.
Do this, and you'll start to get along great.
And suppose you are already arguing and do nothing to get trained?
In that case, the relationship between you will most likely be unhappy, unfulfilling and even unpredictable and stands little chance of lasting.
And to make it worse, dogs live about 10 - 15 years, humans more like 80 years, so you are in this relationship long term, like it or not.
Although people, of course, get divorced or leave when they could have got trained and lived happily ever after.
And one of the saddest things, if you stay but don’t get training, is if you have kids, you will be training them that this is how relationships work and condemning them to future relationships that look just like yours.
Can you score your relationship at an 8, 9 or even 10 out of ten?
If not, when would 'NOW' be the best time to book some training, because if you don't, the 'Barking' will continue, maybe for the next 30, 40, 50 years!
Woof Woof, Woof Woof.
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Live Life Loving, Tony & Nicki Vee
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