Intimate Relationship Blogs

Infidelity and How To Survive It. A True Story

Sally finally phoned Nicki Vee in a last-ditch attempt to save her 25-year marriage. She wondered whether sharing time with Tony & Nicki Vee the ‘Relationship Couple’, could be the thing that could put it right.

Nothing else had worked, she’d read books, asked her friends for help and they had even had ‘Relationship Counselling’ but all to no effect. Sally described her relationship as having no intimacy and she doubted whether Bob was even committed enough to work with Tony & Nicki.

Sally reflected, 'To other people, it looked like we had a good relationship - but underneath there were serious cracks; we rarely had sex and affection was nonexistent.

Their first meeting with Tony & Nicki got off to a very cold start with Bob’s first gambit being that he would ‘rather be playing golf!’

As things settled down they did an exercise where they wrote down what they wanted in a relationship and Sally wrote that she wanted, Faithfulness, Trust and Honesty. Bob actually said he wanted the same and that night they ironically talked about having no secrets, sharing the next day they hadn't talked like that since they had first met'.

On their second day with Tony and Nicki', Sally declared she was at a point of whether to ‘stay or go’ at which point Tony shared a whole load about ‘truth’ and how secrets destroy relationships, all of which really started to dislodge the stuckness between them.

It was at this point Bob became very uncomfortable and then made the decision to dropped a bombshell and share the whole truth with Sally right there and then. He told Sally that he had not been faithful since they had met, some 25 years ago and that he had been having a long term affair with her best friend and that he had even been sleeping with prostitutes.

As Bob shared his long unspoken truth, Sally literally collapsed in a chair and cried uncontrollably seeing her marriage collapse in tatters. The following 48 hours saw Sally in a complete daze, she said that all day and all night questions just kept piling up in her head, as she tried to work it all out, with her feelings going from total numbness to outrage and anger.

Tony and Nicki helped Sally deal with the initial shock and the multitude of emotions she was experiencing, whilst separately they assisted Bob, who was quickly able to take responsibility for his actions. Bob with some help became very certain of what he wanted for them both for the future and even at this early stage this seemed to help Sally to feel safe to vent her feelings openly.

Once home, and understandably after a period of some emotional turbulence, Sally decided to get away to think about whether she could ever actually forgive Bob.

Sally had learned that people have affairs for a variety of reasons and it was obvious that in their case, one reason was that Bob wasn't getting his sexual needs met at home so he was going elsewhere to get those needs met.

Sally started to be totally honest with herself and admitted that she often actually pushed Bob away and whilst she did not excuse his behaviour she started to understand and see how in some ways she could take a level of responsibility for what had been happening in their relationship.

Tony and Nicki have coached many couples who, like Bob and Sally, have become completely disconnected or have had affairs and who have got to this point of asking themselves, ‘Can I forgive and should I stay or go?’

They believe that the healing process can only take place if both parties take responsibility for their part in the disconnection, really speak their truth of what they want for the future and let go of the past.

Bob and Sally did all of this and as time went by magic really started to happen and their relationship started to reblossom in a way that they could never have imagined it could. 

Sally actually asked herself a great question, 'Can I imagine life without him?' and the answer was no. Deep down she knew he was a good man, and a good father and she realised were both to blame for their lack of intimacy.

So at one meeting with Tony & Nicki Sally made a deep internal decision and told Bob, she wanted to save their marriage, and at this point, Bob actually began to cry and they hugged one another for what seemed ages.

A few days later they spent the weekend away together in Brighton, they walked hand in hand on the beach happy and committed AND for the first time since that hard truth was shared they actually made love in a way they had never done before.

On their next time with Tony & Nicki they shared that making love this way was a mind-blowing experience they had never had before and while they had heard about such experiences from Tony and Nicki, they did not think this level of love and connection was ever possible for them as a couple.

Bob and Sally’s journey is a great example of how the truth can set you free. When Sally called Nicki to get help to save her marriage she had no idea what it was that would save it but save it they did even when it looked totally impossible to do so.

Sally even said that 'Finding out about Bob’s infidelity is what actually saved our marriage and that the whole journey with Tony & Nicki made them both stronger and she shared that she can honestly say that they now have got the perfect relationship and that they talk endlessly, make love like never before and laugh most of the time. 

 

This Article is The Copyright of Tony & Nicki Vee and cannot be published in full or part without prior permission. For further information on this or other articles and their availability please contact: Tony or Nicki at: [email protected]